I have been reading a superb book on influencing and changing people's behaviors. In the book there are many success stories about people that have helped others change their self defeating behaviors by influencing them to do good. Since this has worked in the corporate world, I have set out to change the attitude of our piano studio .
Every parent asks me the same question! How do I get my kids to practice? First, we need to look at the overall diagnosis of the behavior we want to change which is piano practice. We can't influence resistant and persistent behavior if we don't diagnose it. So what's influencing them to behave this way? Why don't they like to practice? Why do we have to force them or threaten to take privileges away if they don't practice?
These are the diagnosis questions to ask ourselves about our child's practice behavior: 1. Do they like it? 2. Are they personally able? 3. Do others motivate? 4. Do others enable? 5. Do things motivate? 6. Do things enable?
Ponder further: 1. Why don't they like it? Do we as a family make music more desirable and accessible our child? Do we influence our child in the following ways: Say "WE LOVE MUSIC" "MUSIC IS SO IMPORTANT", every time he practices, Will we watch live performances on Youtube of popular performers and talk about the performers skill that's required through practice to play that difficult work, Will we ask him how he would feel if that were him playing?, Will we play incredible (10+) music in the home and take an active interest in all forms of music, Will we watch movies say WOW, listen to the music doesn't it sound scary, sad, happy etc.
2. Why do they believe they can't do it? Is it because they haven't practiced? Is the repertoire too hard? Does practicing hurt their hands, neck or back? Many different areas of influence can be given. If your child can't do it because of non-practice see above for proper influencing techniques, If the study material is too hard or if they are hurting physically talk to me. Give your child a massage and listen to classical music or read a book at the end of their practice session. Your child would love the attention!
3/4. Do others motivate or enable child? Parents you pay for their tuition, but do you encourage them to bring their books, 3-ring binders, pencils and thumb drive to lessons every week? Do they have a quality, tuned instrument to practice on? Are you excited and positive when you drive them to lessons? IE: I'm so proud of you for taking piano lessons, you are going to be able to serve and make others happy with this talent, I know how excited you must be to go to lessons since you practiced so hard this week. Wait until Ms. Susan hears you! When we get home let's see if we can find your piano piece on you tube, itunes, let's record you playing your piece when you learn it really good and then let's put your recording on you tube. Friends enable? I'm sorry you would rather play with Johnny today instead of going to piano lessons, but when we get back let's call him over and show him what you learned today. Friends and sports might be enablers, however take control of the situation with powerful influencing skills. You can also make up a story to tell your child. IE: When I was a little boy I hated to practice, but my friend Henry loved to practice. I was lazy I would have rather played with my toys or watched T.V. Henry played with his toys and watched T.V. but he first practiced. Do you know what? To this day I wish I could play the piano and to be as good as Henry. Henry has been able to help many people and also his family by working hard when he was little practicing the piano! I wonder who do you want to be like? Keep the story going each week. Get a little more detailed. The best way to influence people is with a story! A good story needs a villain, a Hero, and a person that is in between that can't decide to choose right or wrong.
5. Do things Motivate? I love awards and rewards. I'm working hard on influencing the extrinsic reward system in the studio. Parents influence your children with my rewards. Wow, what did you get for practicing so hard, how many crystals did you get today, work on getting the AAA pin this year, I think you can get the 100% practice trophy this year let's set that as a goal, if you practice all week without being asked, I will make your favorite treat on Sunday etc. It would be OK to have your own reward system at home to influence your child's vital behavior changes if these awards are too overstimulating and is enabling your child's progress.
6. Do things enable? I have all the tools each student needs to become successful with their studies. Fun digital pianos with many different sounds and rhythms, beautiful scores of music, motivating games and enticing treats. I will be conscience of my over stimulation of these tools to not enable, but to influence practice.
I know every student can have successful practice this year. I know the results can be staggering if we will learn to influence our child's behavior to love music. Children love what parent's love. If it's important to you, it will be important to them. This year turn our hearts to music study. Let's have joy and love in the journey.
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